You Went Through the Gate?
by tinytokirabbit7
Summary: Sort of random really. I'm sorry but the main characters are often OCs, but no pairings, NO SUES. i hate those. Minor language, tried VERY hard not to make it a crackfic, which i hope it doesn't seem like one. the gate takes more than just body parts..
1. Enter Becky and the Figure

**Hiya! this is just a funny little drabble my friend and I came up with.. i think she's going to post it on deviantart if you want to see the comic version of it but anyway totally random and just because i have a little time for fanfiction-ing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA. or a swimming pool. or a boss zefron poster (if you can recognize the ref, then you get to assign me a fanfic prompt (so long as it's FMA). any pairing, any genre but i won't do any rating above T.)**

You Went Through the Gate?!

An ordinary alchemist. She only wanted to test her abilities. But something went horribly awry.

* * *

As soon as the circle began to glow, she smiled and thought of how this could help so many people. No longer would people need to pay outrageous prices for euthanasia, or bear the sadness of having to bury their dogs or face the horror when it rained too much and you hadn't buried your beloved pet deep enough.

Yes, her little Habichee would come back to her.. and scare away all those damn cats.

Honestly, was it too much to ask to be a catnip gardener?! Most people only think of it as the addictive substance that drives their cats mad and frankly is a riot to watch. But no, Becky saw it as something more..

She had a vision: that she could make a sort of cat reservation, like the ones for wild animals. They could run and frolic in great fields of catnip, claw at the trees all they wanted, and leave their "trophy" carcasses of small vertebrates wherever the hell they wanted. She even planned to make small ladders so when they got stuck in the trees, they could get down all by themselves.

For if there were cat reservations, then maybe she could rid the world insane cat enthusiasts like her creepy neighbor. Honestly, the old lady had about 50 cats! There was no way she could possibly care for them all, so it was usually up to Becky to leave them some table scraps since the sweet old thing was living off her social security. The problem was that they'd also taken to having kittens.. in her rosebushes. And she was running out of cardboard boxes, too!

That was when she'd adopted little Habichee at the same time she started her catnip garden. Habi really didn't hate cats. She was only playing. Only the cats didn't know that, and quickly decided to go elsewhere. Thus, without Habichee protecting her catnip, there was no way she could grow enough to make even the small experimental reservation she'd planned.

Well, ending the anecdotes, let's get back to where we started.

* * *

The light began to swirl like gas, faster and faster, like a hurricane. The wind blew back her hair as she reached out to pet her precious Habichee-chan-

And then everything was still. Absolutely still.

* * *

Looking around there was nothing but white. So much that one couldn't even distinguish where walls met the floor or even if there _were_ any walls. There was nothing else in sight to show any sense of substance in the blank nothingness except..

An elaborately carved stone door, with an eye on the front. The ornate frame was included, and it was designed in such a way that if the doors opened, then the eye would be split cleanly in the two congruent halves.

"Woah.."

"Hello, Alchemist."

Becky jumped and whirled around to face the source of the voice. The speaker was a white figure, barely distinguishable from the rest of the blank nothingness except for its fuzzy (not in the furry texture sense) outline.

"Did you build this gate? It's really nice,"

"No, but-"

"Yeah, I know what you mean. Could've used a little more texture on those animals, and what's with the eye? I mean, the rays radiating from it are certainly a nice touch, but overall the attention is all on the doorframe, not the actual doors, it's pity really--"

"IT'S A GATE YOU FOOL!!!" the figure angrily shouted. Nobody _else_ had ever talked so much! Sheesh, all the other alchemists were stunned speechless at its awesome might, but THIS one-- who does she think she is, criticizing THE gate?! It took a damn long time to carve the thing, why doesn't she show how it's done, huh?!

"Oh. Well. Sorry. Looks like a pair of fancy doors to me. There's no need to throw a tantrum now.."

The figure just steamed quietly, swallowing back its retort.

"So, what is this place?"

"This is the Gate of Truth. And I am the one who supervises its use."

"Cooool like one of those ticket operators? I haven't got a ticket, and I really don't care to ride, but I really need my money to buy more manga. Just can't live without it, you know?"

"Oh, tickets are not required. This is not a ride. This is the Gate of Truth."

"Yeah.. you sort of mentioned that already-"

"I KNOW." The figure started to lose its patience.

"So then, why am I here?"

"You are here because you have attempted to transmute life. That is God's job, and the alchemist must never even attempt it lest they recieve the consequences.."

"Consequences? Like what?"

"Go through the gate and find out. But be warned: this information is the likes of which you can't even imagine. The vast knowledge of life, the universe, everything--"

"Oh I already know that. It's forty-two, right? And doesn't it seem like more of a reward than a punishment? In theory, you're gaining valuable and superior knowledge for breaking a taboo--"

"JUST OPEN THE DOOR!!" Now the figure was really annoyed. Didn't this idiot ever SHUT UP?!?!

"But I thought you said it was a--"

"JUST GO THROUGH THE GATE!!"

"Fine, sheesh.."

She opened the door- er, gate- and was pulled in by the many tiny black arms.

"Finally.." While Becky was in the gate, the figure started to plan on what it was going to take as the toll. By the time she came out, it had made it decision, smirking as it always did when the time came for its payment.

Becky stood, eyes wide, hair dishelved, stunned.

"So, what do you think of what you've seen?"

"It's not.. Forty-two?!"

"Wha- NO, NO IT'S NOT!! NOW BEGONE!!"

She disappeared, as they always do. The figure was too angry to even give its usual "toll payment" speech..

"Well, at least I've got my payment." The figure said to itself, grinning.

* * *

As the strange white room disappeared, Becky came back to reality. Dazed, she stumbled around until finally she just flopped down on the floor.

"I can't believe it's not forty-two! Damnit, the media lied to me! And those icons did, too!"

She cursed and punched the floor. Then she noticed her transmutation circle and remembered the whole reason she got sent to that stupid place.

Becky stood up and walked over to where she'd laid her dog in the center of the array.

Aside from its hair standing on end, it looked completely unharmed. So she covered the poor thing in a blanket and walked over to her other neighbor to ask him to help her bury her dog.

When he answered the door, he was puzzled, because normally he was aloof from the townsfolk and wasn't aware that he had a particularly strong connection with any of them.

"Uhm, Mr. Elric, I'm sorry to bother you, but could you please help me make a grave for my dog? I just don't have the heart to do it myself."

"Alright then." Ed replied, trying to say it the same way his sensei had when she'd helped the little girl bury her cat all those years ago.

They walked into the shed where the corpse was still laying, covered in the blanket, in the middle of the intricate circle.

"What.. happened here?" Ed asked, shaking a little from the memories it brought back.

"I tried to bring my dog back to life. It didn't work."

"WHAT?! YOU WENT THROUGH THE GATE?! WHAT DID IT TAKE?!?!" Ed began poking her all over, trying to feel for any missing organs, since there were obviously no missing limbs.

Becky stopped and checked to see that she still had use of her limbs, then started patting for missing internal organs. Suddenly, she realized what was missing.

Seeing the murderous look on her face, "WHAT?! WHAT DID IT TAKE?!" he demanded.

"THAT DAMN JERK TOOK MY WALLET!!!"

END!!

**Sooo thus ends this drabble. Please leave a review! Or I'll call my buddy the Gate-keeper to take your wallet! XD  
Also for the reference, I'm only gonna do the first prompt I get. Honestly, I'll write any pairing or genre. So good luck! **

**~tinytokirabbit7**


	2. What everyone ENVIES about ENVY

**Hihi readers! tinytok here. anyways, didn't plan on continuing this fic but i found myself thinking about more ridiculus things the gate could take from someone..**

**This chapter is a mix of manga and animeverse. Sorry for any confusion.**

Disclaimer: Still don't own FMA, but my lawyer's working on it. Unfortunately that "working" has so far only been napping on the job..

* * *

You Went Through the Gate?!

"Sheesh, Wrath is being annoying today.." Envy thought to himself.

"Mommy! Moooommy!" Wrath whined.

"Will you just shut up! She's only been gone for ten minutes, you moron."

"I. WANT. MY. MOMMY. NOW!!!" Wrath then proceeded to throw himself into a particularly loud and violent tantrum.

"I WANT MY MOMMY!! I WANT MY MOMMY!! I WANT MY MOMMY NOOOWW!!!!!!!" he screeched as he ran wildly around the room, knocking objects from their shelves.

"UUUUGH JUST SHUT UP!!" Envy yelled over the tantrum. "How else am I supposed to angst over that Hoenheim bastard.." he thought irritably.

Then Wrath did something that made Envy snap. Both homunculi froze after the resounding crash.

Wrath had broken Lust's mirror with Envy's hairbrush.

Silence.

"I AM GOING TO KILL YOU, YOU DAMN BRAT!!" In a rage of fury, Envy devoured Wrath before he could even defend himself. What could he say? It was his very favorite hairbrush, the only one that worked out all the knots no matter what form he was in.

"... crap. Sloth and Dante are gonna kill me, not to mention Lust.."

He thought it over for a moment.

"Although now that I can perform alchemy, it may not be as much a loss.. but I'd better test it first."

So, to try out his newfound ability, Envy found a random human on the street, swiftly killed him, then decided to try ressurrecting him. As the light began to shimmer and whirl, Envy felt the wind in his hair, and then everything stopped. he was in a strange white enviornment, with only a large carved door and a lone figure standing beside it.

"So you have attempted the taboo, have you?" the figure asked smugly.

"Yeah. Did it work?"

"I can't tell you that for sure. If you'd like to know that, and the secrets of the entire universe, open the gate."

Envy shrugged and did as the figure suggested. The black arms pulled him in like octopus tentacles, and after a few minutes, he reemerged, annoyed at how his hair was now a tangled mess.

"So, what did you think?"

"Eh. Alchemy's overrated. I'm just gonna go back now if you don't mind."

"Of course. I shall collect my payment as I send you back." The figure grinned.

"oh- wait what?!" Envy disappeared before he could protest.

When he appeared back in Amestris, he found the same bloody mass as before, only now it groaned.

"Oh, shut up." And Envy quickly silenced the creature with a toss of a nearby knife.

"Ah well." he sighed as he reached to run his fingers through his hair.

And he froze.

He clapped both hands to the top of his head.

And felt nothing but smooth homunculi skin.

"AAAAUGH!!!"

Epilogue

"heheh.. now I can go get myself a nice, expensive haircut at a trendy salon" The figure laughed as he swung his new hair and wallet around.

END!

* * *

Meh. The next one'll be better, I've got a great idea. ^ ^ keep on readin'!! sorry if there's any confusion over envy being a homunculus and still losing something to gate and all that. truthfully, i dont know what would happen to a homunculus sent to the gate of truth. Regarding the Conquerer of Shamballa Movie, I tried to go by the manga more than the anime. the only difference was that i added anime Wrath and Dante (who i hate, for the record XP)

Reviews are nicer than Christmas presents ^ ^ and cheaper ;D


	3. Vic Ref

**Tinytok** back again. This chapter was inspired by a con video of Vic mignogna, and his remarks on "stalkers"

Disclaimer: WAKE UP YOU LAZY LAWYER!!! still no progress on owning FMA.. or getting my lawyer to actually work. And i sure as hell don't own a sci-fi series.

* * *

You Went Through the Gate?!

The man sat perfectly still, waiting. Though he moved not a muscle, you feel the tenseness all around him, the determination, the passion.

"GOING ONCE! GOING TWICE.."

He waited, and grinned in anticipation.

"SOLD!!" the hammer banged on the podium. It was all the man could do to keep from shouting and bouncing in glee.

To imagine: he was now the very proud owner of both the real lightsaber props from Star Wars and William Shatner's Command Chair from the actual Star Trek TV set. If only he'd been a little faster in the bids for his toupee and Yoda's Jedi robe..

Still, it was a great victory nonetheless.

He arrived home and gazed fondly at his collection. It was truly marvelous, though some believed it was unhealthy to live in a "Cave of Sci-fi space junk" as he did. One person would back him up, he was sure of it.

Too bad that person had passed away ten years ago.

But now, he had spent that entire decade learning as much as he could about alchemy, to bring back his best friend.

The circles, array, all transcribed perfectly. The ingredients sat in a bin at the center. Then came the glowing, the wind, and then... silence.

The man founf himself in a strange place, completely blank and white and empty.

Except for an elaborately carved stone door, in front of which stood an indistinct figure.

"Greetings, alchemist" it almost sneered.

"Woow.. impressive."

Finally, someone with artistic taste!! the figure thought to itself.

"Although I prefer metal doors that slide.."

"It's a gate, not a door.." the figure responded coldly. So much for art appreciation..

"Oh. Well what's behind it?"

"All the answers you seek, and many more."

"Cool."

There was silence between the two for a while.

"Soo.. where's the button to make it slide open?"

"UGH, just GO already!!" once again, an ignorant fool, thought the figure. How the GATE did idiots like this EVER become alchemists advanced enough to attempt human transmutation?!

The doors opened, and the man was promptly drawn inside by the tiny black arms.

When he reemerged, the man was in a mild state of shock.

"Has the information overwhelmed you, mortal?" the figure sneered.

"A little.. but may I ask you something?"

"What?"

"Is Yoda in there somewhere?"

"Wha-- NO!! THIS IS THE GATE OF TRUTH, NOT SOME MOVIE!!"

"Well if you've never seen it, maybe I could lend you--"

"GOODBYE."

And the man disappeared, like all the others.

When he returned, he sank into a corner of the room. The ingredients in the center of the array had changed very little, the only difference was that they now appeared to be a face of anguish and annoyance.

Finally, he came out of his reverie. It was then that he noticed something drastically different about his abode.

His precious "Space Junk Cave" was gone. The walls were bare white, devoid of posters, the bedspread blank, even the shades were gone.

How ironic that the sun shone in on the room, when its inhabitant had lost all his most valued possessions, and in a way, his home.

Epilogue

"Hey brother, is it me or does our next-door neighbor finally have his windows open?"

"I dunno, I'm going over now to pick up a lightsaber I bought off him."

"... A lightsaber?"

"Another bet with Lieutenant Havoc. Winner takes on Mustang."

"Is it really necessary, Ed?"

"Of course it is! If i win, I can finally get some damn respect from the Colonel!"

"Just because he got you last April Fools' Day with that "kick the shrimp sign" taped on your back.."

"I'll be back, Al."

Ed knocked on the door. "Hello? I'm here to pick up the lightsaber I bought yesterday-"

"It's gone."

"GONE?! WHADDAYA MEAN, GONE?!"

The man opened the door a crack, to reaveal his gaunt, unkempt stared blankly and despairingly at Ed through sleep-deprived eyes.

"Gone, gone. My entire pecious collection, the years I've devoted, the love-"

"Okay, I'll come back later then.." Confused and a little worried for his sanity, Ed returned home.

"So did you get the lightsaber?"

"No, i think he lost it."

"Lost it? Well then you should've offered to help him look for it, brother"

"No, I was talking about his mind."

Meanwhile:

"What am I going to do with all this useless junk?!" The figure irritably kicked aside a lightsaber toy.

END

* * *

Sorry for any misinformation that may've been in it, but i used the only star wars and star trek knowledge i was pretty sure about. i don't really know much about the subject. anyway, thanks for readin' and don't expect a quick update for 1) busy schedule and 2) any lack of inspiration. sorry -.-' hope you enjoyed it anyway :)

Reviews would be the water to my ramen ^ ^ 3  
... if that made any sense to you lol


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